Bout Blues

Ok, someone's getting her ANGRY FACE on!!!!


And that someone would be ME!!!!!!

PUT ME IN! PUT ME IN! PUT ME IN!!!!

Don't make me wait out everyone else's friskin penalty!!!!!!

UGH!

pissed.


***edit: definitely meant "frickin" hahaha.... oops. 'Bout to get frisky if things don't change.

talk to da hand cuz I'm getting pissy

Trying not to get pissy, but there are some skater girls that just drive me up walls. Ok just one. She's not even on the team. That's the problem. She's jelly and so she's taking it out on me.

Nit pick nit pick nit pick pick pick pick!

That is all she does.

Gurl, get over it.

(applies to both of us, I suppose.)

GOALZ

1. Be someone's derby crush

2. Get comfortable on skates.

3. Jam in a bout

4. Be a key player

5. Perfect stops


ok, must cease here. could go on. I'll give you an update in 6 months!

oh, crap it!

I've fallen in love.

Again.

Derby, why do you do this to me?!

stop.

please.

I can't stop thinking about this person.

Erase, erase!

IMMA TEAMSTER!

I MADE THE TEAM!

yeah buddy!

ME!

made it. made it real good.

hello darkness, my old friend

My secret pleasure is the moment after I return home from practice and before I greet my shower. The house is dark, the dogs are (usually) asleep.

I slip out to our porch and strip down.

First I peel off my wrist guards, my elbow pads, my knee pads, and dig my helmet out of my bag.

I slip out of my elbow socks, pull down my knee gaskets and peel off my socks.

Then comes the best part of all-- I take off my shorts and shirt, and stand there, in the dark, basking in (near) nakedness. I leave on certain undergarments on the off-chance my neighbors have their binoculars out.

I think the mosquitos have died off in the drought, so I allow myself an extra few moments, standing there... appreciating the stillness, the startling beauty and terror of woods at night.

Then I go inside, shut the door softly and pad upstairs to continue my nighttime routine.

Perhaps the reason my mother doesn't remember my childhood is that she thinks I'm still in it.

#Ihatehashtags.

Most Delicious Salad

Turkey (Honey-Roasted from Costco), raisins, cinnamon, balsmaic vinegar and kale stalks (save the actual leaves for kale chips!). Let the raisins soak up some of the vinegar before gorging.

It tastes about exactly as it sounds, so if you don't like the ingredients or think they don't belong together-- well, I can't help you. Go pour some mayonnaise on your bland taste! 

I feel so high class, drinking water out of a wine glass.

Have not been productive at all today. At least not in the traditional sense.

Productivity depends on the end goal, n'est-ce pas?

My end goal was to have all of my assignments done tonight so that I could get a good night's sleep and wake up early tomorrow, ready to face my laundry list of destinations.

Instead I did a different kind of laundry. The real kind. And cooked (sweet potato fries, kale chips and more kale chips), cleaned, and frogged around en ligne. I had my heart broken over cancer stories. I became depressed over my lack of romantic affairs. And I wondered if I'd ever get married, be skinny or have a job.

This wasn't the kind of productivity I intended, but I suppose I cannot un-live the day. I must march forth-- and maybe accomplish at least one tangible thing!

"If only I could sue my body for breach of contract with the natural order of things."

I've been reading a lot about cancer today.

From this series about a 22-year old woman who returns from Paris only to find out she has leukemia

to bawling over this video, which shows Josh Ritter's girlfriend and her former husband.

Life is so transient. And unexpected. Maybe being alone today has made me extra sensitive-- I feel so disconnected from The Outside and in some ways I hope I don't lose this feeling, because maybe then I'll also lose appreciation.

That's all for today, folks. Not sure how much longer my derby hiatus will continue, but this urge to blog has persisted.

Love and derby smooches,

SB

Why, hello there!

I've relocated to a big city and become big stuff.

Well, I do enjoy pretending I'm a local. Anyway I'll be here for the rest of the month and then possibly returning to derby, or possibly returning to the fatherland. I really don't know much about my future and certainly don't understand a lot of my present.

I'll get back to you with more vague thoughts directly. Until, enjoy...

(the music, not the bizarre collection of canines...)

"Who does derby on Memorial day?" asked a(n uninitiated) friend of mine.

Not a lot of people showed up at practice, actually. Which was fine by me!

Indoctrination

Here's a fun activity to do with a 3-year old when you're tired of re-building Jenga and re-reading If You Give A Mouse A Cookie...

Who knew 3-year olds could be fascinated by replacing outdoor wheels with indoor wheels? Perhaps not a widespread (or approved) babysitting activity, but it definitely killed an hour.

And hey, they paid only $6/hr... might as well get a bit of labor out of their son!

Teasing, of course! (Not about the $6/hr part, unfortunately.) I had to re-do his half of the wheels. But I do believe I might have lit a  derby spark in his soul! And that, as they say, is priceless.

Pride Cometh Before A Wipeout

Took my dog out for a walk and wore my skates.

This is not how it went down.

I knew this was going to be a near-fatal decision but decided I needed to face fears eventually. WWTHD?  Tony Hawk would certainly go for it, and so did I. 

Matters would not be so difficult if my dog were serene, mid-to-small-sized and intelligent. Unfortunately, she is none of these things. 

(Case in point: I came downstairs before my graduation last Saturday dressed in my black cap & gown. My dog went BALLISTIC and barked as I've never seen her bark before. Her tail kept her stomach guarded as she dove around the kitchen table, warning everyone that an intruder was in our midst. Meanwhile, I kept calling her name, attempting to encourage two of her brain cells to become reacquainted. It took several long moments for her to finally come to me, and even then she was quite suspicious.) 

In addition to being large and in charge, she is also quite skittish. The first half of our walk consisted of her barking at my roller skates (even though I'd tried to prepare her for the identity crisis by having her watch me put my gear on and talking to her all the while) and running in front of or behind me, which did not make for much of a straight trajectory. Then she suddenly remembered herself and without a warning went into poo mode. Negotiating the poo bag and her dirt was about as difficult as expected.

Finally we settled into a rhythm, and I decided to push myself a bit. I didn't dare go faster (because that elicited the reaction of her pouncing on my skates and / or nibbling my wrist guards) but tried to hop over every other crack in the sidewalk. I was doing pretty well. A guy on a bike going past said "Hey! How's it going?" and I wanted him to ask further questions so I could explain that I played roller derby and was pretty much a badass even though I looked like Bambi on wheels (with her pet gorilla attached). I was sure he'd buy it. 

I started imagining giving a radio interview and pictured myself all chilled out in a swivel chair with the DJ eating up my words. "Yeah, this is ___________ and I play for the _____________ derby dolls..."

It was just then, one house from my own, that disaster struck. 

I don't even know how it struck. All I knew was I was going down. The shit went flying and so did I. Thankfully not on the same trajectory. 

I didn't really get hurt. At all. (A scraped thumb is nothing to post on Facebook about!) But I did find it amusing that my radio interview was cut short. It's rescheduled for next month. 

Oh, Happy Day!

1. I GRADUATED

2. (I don't have a job-- but being unemployed has its perks. Only one, actually, but I've been maxing it out-- T-I-M-E!)

3. My grandparents are here... they live 16,000 miles away. Leaving tonight, though :( They are so precious.

4. I tested out my name on my relatives last night at dinner and the LOVED it!!! I wish I could broadcast it here!

5. DERBY PRACTICE TONIGHT!!! I watched half of Whip It last night and it got me pumped for tonight! I'm determined to be FEARLESS!

Priorities

Got my nail polish all picked out for graduation on Saturday. I am all prepared, folks!

Now... the real debate... I double majored. Which major should I sit with? I'm leaning towards the one sitting closer to the stage... alternatively, I think there are more cuties in the second major, farther back...

wow, the trials of an undergrad...

just so glad that this (31-paged, 9,863 words) paper is DONE!

ok, now to think derby thoughts. Love to the world!

Things I Have Googled Today in Effort to Avoid My Paper

--Myself
--Icelandic People--> Iceland--> Icelandic language--> Faroese language
--Courtney Stodden (I regret this... I have become enraptured, just as one cannot turn away from a speeding train wreck)
--DIY Tshirt-into-tank methods
--Various dessert recipes
--Is whistling genetic?
--Maya Rudolph--> Minnie Ripperton--> Minnie Ripperton + Loving You --> Teena--> Alia Rose
--this blog, attempting to make it pop up in a search engine (unsuccessful)
--Bridesmaids movie reviews (I find they spoil the movie if I read them ahead of time, but I become fascinated AFTER I've seen the movie... messed up, I know...)
--Nike Frees / Asics Gel Noosa
--Bill Hadar (celebrity crush x 1 million)
--my neighbors
--How To Enjoy The Taste of Beer
--Whole Foods + Why whole foods won't come to my town (grrr!)
--Various derby names
--Gwen Stefani --> Harijuku Girls--> Margaret Cho
--The Music Man--> Zaneeta--> How to pronounce "egads"

and that is only a small sampling. Not included: Facebook searches, Pinterest searches & Amazon reviews...

Ok, seriously. The end is in sight! Must. Finish. Paper. TONIGHT! (52 minutes to go!!!)

snarkfest

I think derby is turning me into a...

well, fill that in with whatever.

Just got a call while I was busy editing my final paper-- I answered the home phone without checking the ID, figuring it'd be my mother haggling me again. (She had just called 5 minutes prior.)

"HI!!! Is _____ there?!" an all-too energetic voice screamed.

"No... but if you call back in an hour she will be."

"Can't I just leave a message?!" the voice whined.

"Sure."

I waited.

"Well, this is Tammy from TreeGrow and we'll be there to plant trees Monday and Tuesday."

I waited some more. There must be more to this message, I thought.

"...That's all. She'll know what that means."

Good, cuz for the life of me I sure can't figure out the hieroglyphics of it...

I wanted to say, "Can you please just call back? I don't know if I can be responsible enough to handle passing along this complicated message..."

but instead, I just responded to her "Thanks SO much" with an equally sugar-ladden "You are SO WELCOME!!!" to which I'm sure she couldn't help but taste a few drops of sarcasm.

It Takes Two to Tango

Last practice, I had the most interaction with Tony Hawk that I've ever had. Of course no words were exchanged-- but there was definite eye contact.

It was the league's team evaluations. Since I only have my red star (boo!) I wasn't eligible to participate (admittedly relieved about this!). Bodacious had set up different agility stations and we were to travel around while certain skaters were tested. One of the stations was a mock obstacle course, where stuffed animals, frisbees and pop bottles were strewn. A mat was laid out at the end to jump over, supposedly imitating a fallen skater. I managed to navigate my way and even clear the mat so I was feeling pretty good about it all and went back often throughout the night. I noticed I got better each time. Of course, then I watched Tony and my sense of accomplishment plummeted. Watching her, it was like she was born on skates. Her legs move so adroitly, with no apparent effort at all. She just skipped through the station and wafted back to the start of the line without batting an eyelash.

Tony is just so darn cute. Deciding to tweak the station a tad, she set up a stuffed dog and elephant on top of two pop bottles (a height of about 1.5 feet) and cleared it with ease. Some other girls tried with varying success. "Do you think I should try?", I asked Twinkie. "Let me put it to you this way-- I'm not going to try!" she responded, which certainly gave me a pause. I skated slowly up to it and.......... tripped around it. Weak. Tony saw the whole thing (and also saw me stumble around the other stations) but hey... she apparently has a girlfriend so what do I care? 

Except I do!! I do care! I want her to like me! I want to TALK to her! To pick up derby skills by osmosis and her general cool-cat attitude. 

We also pulled up to another station and worked as a pair on stopping... but when I say "worked as a pair" I think I am misleading, because I am not implying that we made eye contact or even acknowledged each others' presence. 

Seriously, this is ridiculous. Why does she act like this? Why is there a ten-foot bubble of awkward around her? I swear, by the end of the month... we are having a conversation. 

That's a pretty bold claim. We'll see how I do...

In other news, I just may have FINALLY come up with a name! :D 

to-do

Bucket List #1:

Learn this dance.

Bucket list #2:

Perform it in public. Preferably on roller skates.

YAHOO!