It Takes Two to Tango

Last practice, I had the most interaction with Tony Hawk that I've ever had. Of course no words were exchanged-- but there was definite eye contact.

It was the league's team evaluations. Since I only have my red star (boo!) I wasn't eligible to participate (admittedly relieved about this!). Bodacious had set up different agility stations and we were to travel around while certain skaters were tested. One of the stations was a mock obstacle course, where stuffed animals, frisbees and pop bottles were strewn. A mat was laid out at the end to jump over, supposedly imitating a fallen skater. I managed to navigate my way and even clear the mat so I was feeling pretty good about it all and went back often throughout the night. I noticed I got better each time. Of course, then I watched Tony and my sense of accomplishment plummeted. Watching her, it was like she was born on skates. Her legs move so adroitly, with no apparent effort at all. She just skipped through the station and wafted back to the start of the line without batting an eyelash.

Tony is just so darn cute. Deciding to tweak the station a tad, she set up a stuffed dog and elephant on top of two pop bottles (a height of about 1.5 feet) and cleared it with ease. Some other girls tried with varying success. "Do you think I should try?", I asked Twinkie. "Let me put it to you this way-- I'm not going to try!" she responded, which certainly gave me a pause. I skated slowly up to it and.......... tripped around it. Weak. Tony saw the whole thing (and also saw me stumble around the other stations) but hey... she apparently has a girlfriend so what do I care? 

Except I do!! I do care! I want her to like me! I want to TALK to her! To pick up derby skills by osmosis and her general cool-cat attitude. 

We also pulled up to another station and worked as a pair on stopping... but when I say "worked as a pair" I think I am misleading, because I am not implying that we made eye contact or even acknowledged each others' presence. 

Seriously, this is ridiculous. Why does she act like this? Why is there a ten-foot bubble of awkward around her? I swear, by the end of the month... we are having a conversation. 

That's a pretty bold claim. We'll see how I do...

In other news, I just may have FINALLY come up with a name! :D 

to-do

Bucket List #1:

Learn this dance.

Bucket list #2:

Perform it in public. Preferably on roller skates.

YAHOO!

another movie review in which I don't actually review the movie but prattle on about myself because that is the purpose of anon blogs! duh.

just saw this...

...I don't think it's meant to depress people, but it left me feeling worse about myself than anything else! It seems my life mirrors her a little too closely-- minus the cute cop. Or any guy at all. Also minus the good looks and cute clothes, and sunny weather, and humor... but equal on the awkwardness!


so I've decided to put out a personal ad...



Single Pale Female Looking for a Non-Drooler...


--must be between the ages of 20-35.
           I could even be flexible on this. I would not turn away a cute 37 year-old, for instance. Especially if he was a cop and/or had a dreamy accent... (the two would seem incongruous, but hey, it worked in the movie...) Any younger, however, I feel is a bit exploitative. 


--must have a BMI between 18.5-24.9 (this, apparently, is "normal range"... yes, just had to look it up, and no, I am not even aware of my own BMI...)


--must enjoy a physical activity of some sort


--must participate in this physical activity on a semi-regular basis


--sex does not count


--neither does anything involving electronics.


--must love the outdoors


--must love dogs... to some degree. Ok, must TOLERATE dogs. Must be skeptical of cats...


--must be amused by small children, chipmunks, and me


--must have a GED, preferably a BA/ BS, and ideally an unquenchable thirst for knowledge...



I am being so flexible here, folks! Please. I can't be that atrocious. I swear I brush my teeth consistently. I mastered toilet training and have been a relatively fast learner since. I even shaved yesterday (AND washed my hair.) What more could you want?!

tra la la ignore this post

to read later

oh dear oh dear oh dear

Please believe me, that last post was written to showcase (and make fun of!) my own ignorance. I really would love to visit different parts of Russia one day-- especially to take the train from one end to the other like NPR did.

Anyway, I better get back to derby matters because clearly I am falsely advertising with all this (ignorant!) talk of Russia.

I skipped practice last night to work on "homework". I have an exam on Friday and a presentation Thursday, but I haven't been very studious. At all. If they let me graduate that will be a minor miracle.

Actually, I exaggerate. I will be graduating, but I am a bit concerned about graduating with honors. My GPA is quite close to a 3.5 and I worry that this exam will tip me over the wrong way and all my hard work will have been for naught...


Oh, sorry, is this a derby blog?!

Ugh.

Anyway, they had to practice at this TINY rink out in the boonies so I think it was just as well. They're resurfacing our floor. They said to wear pants to tomorrow's practice because the floor will be "scratchy"...?? I will do some investigative reporting and get back to you rightquick with an explanation. Provided I go...


xoxo and big smooches to you, derby babe!

let's be diplomatic about this

I apologize, Russia.

Yes, the whole country.

I realize several of your citizens have been visiting my blog recently, and I do not suspect a grassroots roller derby movement to be the culprit. I believe my rather personal / emotional "movie review" to have thrown things off, since I mentioned the ill-fated Russian Cosmonaut.

I do wonder what they were expecting to read. Well, not much more can I say about your country. Obviously you know it better than I do. In fact I don't know it at all. Want to see my ignorance? Ok, here we go... Top Ten Facts I Know About Russia... That I May Have Fabricated



1. There is this really deep lake... the deepest in the world. Lake Bichal. Bikal? I'm not going to cheat and google it... anyway, this lake looked super beautiful in a documentary I saw, but then I was talking to a lady who had visited and she said it was really trashed. So, Russia, clean up your act.


Ok, just looked it up... Lake Baikal holds 1/5th of the world's freshwater supply and is dangerously over-polluted. Look at this sad seal... 

2. Siberia is large, and cold... but arctic foxes live there. (Another documentary...)


No contest here...






3. There is a farm in Russia where they raise foxes for pets. Each fox is around... $7,000 I think. Super expensive but I still dream of the day... no, this was not gleaned from a documentary but NGO!


Here is the original story that I read last year.  The price is actually closer to $6,000... but then I started reading more about the ethics of owning an exotic (or even domestic fox!) which brought me down a whole 'nother wormhole. I guess it's just as well I'll never have the cash to worry about this sort of thing! 






4. Russians like to drink. Not featured in any documentary that I've seen, but is a well-established stereotype that I will continue to uphold. C'mon... who doesn't like to drink?


Wow, stereotypical... hmmm, a great way to invite readers. Also, I'm not even going to address that last question. (Too flippant to come out of my mouth! Except it did.) 
I turned to Google to get to the bottom of this. Low and behold, after typing in, "Do Russians..." Google supplied "drink a lot" as the fifth query. (#1-4 were, "Like Americans" / "Hate America" / "Celebrate Christmas" / "Need a visa to visit Mexico". Crazy what people are feeling the urge to google lately... 


Anyway, this question has actually been statistically analyzed. Pictures are worth more than my crappy explanations, so here you go: 

5. Russia loves to swallow up countries. Russia is like a diabetic who binges on sugar (i.e. land) and then is really fat and gets really sick because it cannot manage all of its sugar but is still defensive of its desserts all the same. And if a dessert says, "NO! You can't have me! I'm going to run away!" Russia gets all pissed and chases after it with forks. But sometimes the dessert wins (I.e. South Ossetia... and Poland...)


I don't even know where I was going with this. 




6. Russia had this really cool queen... Helen? Helen the Great? She had red hair (I think) and was super sly and smart. She didn't bother getting married because that was just TOO much drama for her! Instead she was all about conspiracies. And she was super good at managing her diabetes, but then of course after she passed on the crown (i.e. died?) everything went downhill for a long while... some may argue has yet to ascend....


Her name was Catherine, she did not have red hair and she did a lot of cooler things than I implied. 






7. Gorbachev has almost the exact same birthmark as my high school religion teacher, the latter was extremely proud of this.


Crickets....




8. Babushka and ba-boosh-KA are two similar words that mean grandma and butterfly. I don't know which means which. Maybe Russians like to appease their grandmas by calling them butterflies. Hey, I didn't invent the language...


Butterfly: бабочка


Grandma: бабушка


This knowledge came from a little Russian girl I spent a few weeks with. She stole my heart and I wonder where she is today.... another story I may share another time. Anyway, she tried her darndest to get me to hear the difference but I never could sort it out! 








9. The Berlin Wall came down just a few years before I was born... a chunk of it is in a local museum. And by a chunk, I mean the whole shebang. Taller and wider and hopefully heavier than me, with graffiti and everything.


I'd show you a picture as proof but really, who cares? 




10. Uhm... my mom makes DELICIOUS Russian Tea Cakes. Folks around here call them "Spanish Wedding Cakes", I do not know why. They are clearly Russian in origin.


No proof needed, you wouldn't believe me anyway! And I'm not sharing! :P



Whelp, there you go. I am disturbingly under-educated and seemingly insensitive about Russia. I did apologize in advance...

...however, I am surprised that I could even come up with 10! (I could have kept going, too! Didn't bring up hemophilia, or matryoshka dolls, or St. Petersburg's origins...) 


will you still let me visit??

please??

The Godmothers

My favorite water bottle has been captured.

I left it behind at practice today. I thought it was a joke when I overheard girls saying, "Yeah, make sure you don't leave anything, or it will get donated to the lost and found!" This was usually followed by a chuckle. As in, wink wink, we won't really STEAL your things...

Nope, no joke. For reals. My derby league has turned into a mafia organization.

They've imprisoned my water bottle-- my FAVORITE water bottle-- (and possibly my other favorite which, come to think of it, I haven't been able to locate recently) and now I am supposed to auction it back with proceeds going to an Alzheimer's foundation. What a crummy way to force donations, I say!!! Not only that, but the next auction isn't for another 5 weeks... and I might not be around. So, lost for good.

Yeah, I'm making mountains out of molehills, and being generally unaltruistic (a word I've just invented)... but srsly. You don't know the pride behind this canister.


UGH!